Dane Vaclav Dagenais
August-07-1991 - October-13-2024
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Amber Last uploaded photo(s)
Friday, January 17, 2025
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How do I sum up a life, or what someone means to me in a little square on the internet? My sweet, brilliant, frustrating, creative, struggling, loving, funny baby brother, Dane. I remember the day that he was born, in the wee hours of August 7th, 1991. My dad woke me up from a deep sleep much too early, and I sleepily told him “it can’t be morning yet, I can still taste my toothpaste.” When he told me this early wake up was because my baby brother was on his way, I was SO excited. I had been an only child for 10 years, and this was my first sibling ever coming into the world, and a few hours later he was here, and I was in love.
Dane was an incredible kid. He was so happy and bright - he started reading so young, and read way beyond his years or comprehension. This kid read like it was going out of style, and by 9 he was clearly a speed reader. He was the one who introduced me to Harry Potter, and I was so thrilled to be able to get him a (widely sold out) copy of book 4 the day it came out in the summer of 2000, since they were selling it at my work. He read that 734 page book in one day. I was such a proud sister. I still am.
I loved visiting him and my little sister Madison, who came along 2 years after he did, anytime I got to; I loved the 6 months I got to live with them in Winnipeg when I was 20, and I loved visiting them in London in my 20s when I could afford the gas money, or when I got to meet up with them in Toronto, or when they would visit my dad in Ottawa and I could get some special time with them. I loved sharing special moments, having a rare slumber party or taking them to a HP book launch at Chapters with Solange, or bringing them to Bluesfest with me to watch and meet my brother in law’s band performing there. I gathered those kids in my arms in summer of 2011 when their mom died, tried to give them something like home, some comfort, and I was so grateful to my mom for throwing Dane a sweet birthday party that same summer, when it was really tough to feel like celebrating. And they spent that first, difficult Christmas with us too. It was a hell of a year. It wasn’t easy, and I wasn’t perfect, but we got through it. I loved sharing my Thursday night bowling and my friends with Dane, and I have a favorite memory of going to see Kick Ass at the theatre with Dane, Charlie and my bffs Jan and Sue, and every time he and I laughed we did the same big-laugh-knee-slap almost in tandem, like it was in our genes or something. Years ago Dane came over to our house between Christmas and New Year - he didn’t always like being around the big family crowd - and he happily played Pie Face and helped us work on a puzzle with Grace. He was an intense puzzler, determined to do puzzles as fast as he read books, and it makes me laugh every time I think of his extreme focus. It is a great recent memory that I will cherish forever. Knowing I don’t ever get to make new memories with him kind of breaks something inside me.
So many of my friends met Dane, and all of my friends remember him as a neat, quirky kid. He loved puns and anything clever or out of the ordinary - Homestar Runner and the Barenaked Ladies Christmas song Deck the Stills come immediately to mind - and intelligent, quirky art and artists like Dave Barry, Calvin and Hobbes, and whoever is responsible for the “Literal videos” (we loved Total Eclipse of the Heart). He knew every single Pokemon by heart, and could rhyme off their skills, power level, etc etc, while I pretended to listen while just soaking up his excitement. When Levon and Emmett started getting into Pokemon last year I told them about their uncle Dane’s Pokemon knowledge and they were very impressed and asked if they could meet him. It was then I realized I should get back in touch - that too much time had passed. That I couldn’t let his struggles with his mental health and his desire to distance himself from family get in between us. But time passed, life got busy, and I kept putting it off. I will never ever stop regretting letting so much time pass. Please don’t let time pass, folks. I don’t know if he would have wanted to chat, or to visit, or to get to know the kids better, or to connect with me as a friend instead of just ‘big sister/ kid brother’, or if it would have made any difference in his mental health. And I will never know, and I will always wonder. I’m not sure he knew how much I loved him. But I love him so much. I loved the big hugs, the intense retelling of facts and stories, and the quiet moments. How he would get so excited telling me about something that he couldn’t catch his breath, or how his voice would get soft when he was sad or worried about something, or checking in on me when our grandma died.
I think that everyone that knew Dane knew a different part of Dane. Dane was an avid gamer and was really active in various gaming communities, and discussion forums on Reddit. He had a lot of friends that we didn’t even know about online, and sorting through his belongings with our dad, we found cards and tokens from folks that were strangers to us, which gives me some comfort. I hope to find them so that they don’t think their friend has ghosted them. Of course he wasn’t perfect - none of us are. He could be very frustrating to have a discussion with, because he knew exactly what was right at all times and could rarely be swayed. And as we grew up he was a better brother to me than to our sister Maddie. I hoped time and age would resolve that. I hate that it won’t.
Dane was super active on Reddit forums discussing climate change. He worried deeply about what was happening to the earth, and was extremely frustrated that humanity seemed to be ignoring it. Covid and the associated isolation did a number on folks, and I imagine that for my super intelligent and practical brother, the war on science, logic and fact would have been absolutely unbearable. I think we’re a lot alike actually, and I wish we would have shared our deep concerns about the world around us, and leaned on each other as we sought out support for our individual struggles. Maybe it would have kept us deep in the mire of it all, or maybe, just maybe, we would have had a safe place to vent fears and then focus on what was right in front of us - what we could really affect around us. I think Dane felt alone with his fears, and sometimes online forums only serve to heighten those feelings instead of allay them. This thought makes me really sad. I wish he could have used his brilliance to turn his fears into action - I wish we could have thought of ways to help the world together, even if it was just to make ourselves feel better.
I love you Dane, and I truly hope that your busy mind finds the peace in death it didn’t have in life. I will never stop loving you, and I will never stop missing you and the dreams you had when you were young and the dreams I had of seeing all my siblings grow old with me and figure out their place in the world, no matter how 'big' or 'small'. You mattered to me, and you mattered to a lot of people. I wish you knew that while you were here.
When I try to sum up how I feel about losing my baby brother, the first piece of my heart that I eagerly gave away on August 7th, 1991, I think of a specific quote: “how lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard.” This quote makes me think of Dane, because honestly, I’m so thankful to have known him and have this devastating pain now than to have missed having this super cool kid in my life. It also makes me think of Dane because he would have enjoyed telling folks the real origin of this quote, often mistakenly attributed to Winnie the Pooh. So to Dane, from the 1975 movie “The Other Side of the Mountain” I want to grab the real quote and tell you: “How lucky I am to have known someone and something that saying goodbye is so damned awful.” I hate this much too early goodbye because I love you Dane. Always have and always will.
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Amber Last uploaded photo(s)
Thursday, January 9, 2025
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My sweet baby brother.
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Joanna Joy posted a condolence
Thursday, January 2, 2025
Dane was one of the most unique people I’ve ever known. I first met him in elementary school, and even back then, his intelligence and personality truly set him apart. My first memory of Dane is of him correcting a teacher during a lesson—not to show off, but because he genuinely cared about getting things right. When I shared this memory with him years later, we laughed about how it was “classic Dane.”
Though we weren’t close as kids, we reconnected during university and built a friendship. Dane was always patient, kind, and helpful, even during challenging times in his own life.
I once asked him:
“What’s your favourite colour, your favourite food, and your favourite pastime?”
He replied:
“Heh. On the surface these things might seem trivial, but all the more reason to make an effort to bring them up. So... your answers are 1) I favour the primary trio, RGB, with deep blue at the top; 2) has to be Harmony Organic chocolate milk (3.8% fat = yum) or chicken shawarma; 3) whatever keeps me limber and sharp, i.e. unwinding my damn neck and spine, playing games, and singing.” His answers were uniquely Dane—thoughtful, detailed, and never boring. He always seemed to care about answering things fully, no matter the question.
After university, we both lived in different cities, but for a while we stayed in touch and had some really wonderful and meaningful conversations online. Dane and I often talked about psychology, music, travel, life, and friendship. He had an incredible ability to observe, reflect, and analyze.
He once shared this video with me from one of his favourite people, Neil Gaiman: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ikAb-NYkseI&ab_channel=PeterShev Sharing inspiring speeches and quotes became a tradition between us. When I sent him a couple of Alan Watts speeches, he responded with one of his beautifully written reflections on Buddhism:
"I'll admit... I'm not a very rigorous one, so not a devotee of any particular school of it, I'm still on the fence over things like reincarnation. Honestly, my perspective on Buddhism is grounded in my understanding of natural sciences and then reinforced with some experience:
The universe is a series of standing waves occuring in some number of dimensions greater than four. Imagine a giant metal block that has had a hammer taken to it: a shockwave splits out from the point of impact and carries on in all three dimensions of the block; it starts out as a single wave at the block's natural frequency, bouncing and becoming distorted as it bounces off the edges, splits up and bounces off itself, etc. In our world the block would lose energy as the vibrations hit the edges and shed energy into the air, ground, etc, but with literally nothing surrounding the universe once you start looking at it as the block, all the energy from that hammer blow is still there, it's just forming new shapes and pattern as the vibrations from each dimension interact with each other.
The reason taking the universe apart like this and saying it's based on a bunch of physical phenomena sounds initially uncomfortable is because it sounds like it implies that there's no such thing as beauty or a soul, as far as intellectual objections go. But the sunset is only powered by physical phenomena and yet even in that light it doesn't lose its power or romance.
On a visceral level, breaking down the universe to a bunch of standing waves makes us feel uncomfortable because we are accustomed to automatic biological routines that tell us we are only here for a limited time, and which would have us throw ourselves at living forever without stopping or hesitating or thinking about why. Actively considering the thought that everything we have a name for is just another shape in the clay, well, that runs against that instinct to never think about that thing running after us that we're never supposed to look back at.
We run because it creates distance between us and that dark thing behind us; to grow is to run, because you are trying to assign your name to a larger and larger section of that giant block we talked about; the larger the section you isolate and control, the longer it's going to take you to lose the energy conducted at the boundary of what is "yours" and what is not "yours." The more you grow, the longer you live, and what our biology is built to SCREAM at us is that more time is better. Those who we consider evil... well, their biology never stops screaming at them to grow, to run and run and to never die. Those who succeed in managing some level of control over that drive still can only manage an intellectual model of compassion, where they try to model others' emotions because they know it keeps the world around them stable.
When you can stop running, and turn to look at the idea that none of these forms we're attached to are anything but the same massive and infinite cloth we're all woven from, and that they will fall apart but they will never stop being connected to each other; when your body can react to protect your life or another's without your mind experiencing fear... whatever metaphor or perspective you'd like, once you've let go of the mental model that knows something different about you and your right to exist than everyone and everything else, then that's when you're enlightened.
also when I say growth, I literally mean growing larger; often when we talk of spiritual growth, the better word is stability
You can probably thank my dad and a couple of drinks at Lone Star for that treatise on Buddhism, by the way…”
Dane’s ability to weave together science, philosophy, and spirituality was remarkable. He saw beauty in understanding the world’s interconnectedness.
When someone passes, we often wish for more—more time, more conversations, more moments. In sharing Dane’s words, I hope they offer a glimpse into his extraordinary mind and spark memories for those who knew him.
Rest well, Dane. You’ll be missed and are always in our hearts.
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David Dagenais uploaded photo(s)
Friday, December 20, 2024
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David Dagenais uploaded photo(s)
Friday, December 20, 2024
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David Dagenais uploaded photo(s)
Friday, December 20, 2024
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David Dagenais uploaded photo(s)
Friday, December 20, 2024
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David Dagenais uploaded photo(s)
Friday, December 20, 2024
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David Horn posted a condolence
Saturday, December 7, 2024
I'll always have fond memories of Dane. In high school we crossed paths in the drama room and he was always easy to talk to and such a smart/funny guy. He had great taste in music and he would have a good tune queued up as a prelude to the morning announcements which his voice was perfect for.
My thoughts are with his family at this time.
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Norman uploaded photo(s)
Friday, December 6, 2024
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Thank you, Dane, for sharing so deeply of your disciplines and passions. You are missed yet your ripples continue in the current.
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Alexandria De Santis posted a condolence
Friday, December 6, 2024
Dane, I am so deeply saddened. You were such a genuinely thoughtful person (even to me after everything). I still have the Arrested Development DVDs you lent me since you thought I'd love the show. You're right, I did and still do. I quote it all the time. When you asked if I still had them you said to take my time returning them, you just wanted to make sure they're in good hands. Rest in peace, Dane.
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Shawn Wheatley posted a condolence
Friday, December 6, 2024
Dane, I say this without exaggeration that you were one of the most interesting people I’ve met. I first knew you as an incorporeal voice on the morning announcements at South, and then as your friend, which grew through our time at Western. You were intelligent, and knowledgeable on pretty much every subject, from chemistry, to choir, to politics, to cooking, and of course you had the very best nerdy jokes. You were a kind soul, and I am deeply saddened that we won’t cross paths again in this life.
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Samantha posted a condolence
Thursday, December 5, 2024
Dane was an incredibly gifted student- And a genuinely kind soul. We would often chat in the art room or in our history classes throughout high-school, and chatted much less frequently after graduation. Dane was truly one of those rare gems you find- Funny, caring, quick witted and his kindness went beyond words can describe. Dane was never intimidated or put off by my different appearance- He gladly sat next to the quiet 'goth girl' and I will remember our chats fondly, Dane. Thank you for being kind, caring, and generous with your time, and for being non-judgmental. I hope that you find peace wherever you may be, and I'm sorry we lost touch. I'm sorry to hear of your struggles in life, and my most sincere condolences go to his family and friends during this difficult time. You will be missed, Dane.
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Hannah Prickett posted a condolence
Thursday, December 5, 2024
I haven’t seen Dane since high-school; we didn’t have any shared classes until grade 11 (since he was in the gifted program for 9 and 10). We mostly talked about Chemistry and Physics together; he will always be remembered by me as an intelligent, thoughtful, and kind person. My first proper memory of Dane was one of kindness. It was the first semester of grade 9. I was rushing from my outside English class to get inside for my art class; I don’t know where Dane was coming from or going to, but he beat me to the door. He opened it and chivalrously held it for me to walk through. He was the first boy to hold a door open for me, and I have never forgotten. Dane will never be forgotten.
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K.E posted a condolence
Thursday, December 5, 2024
I'm so sorry to hear of this news. Dane was a pleasure to be around. He was always very nice to me despite our vast differences, and the fact that we had literally nothing in common! A joke at my expense was always welcome, coming from him, because I knew it really came from a place of kindness. It was easy to laugh along with him. Rest in peace, and condolences to the family.
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Kalen posted a condolence
Thursday, December 5, 2024
Dane was truly a unique and wonderful human being. His intelligence and talent was awe-inspiring. He was a man that would take the time to listen to you, and never held any judgement or resentment if your own thoughts were ill-informed or different. He and I would often chat during our highschool years, and I had the pleasure of reconnecting with him later in life as adults, if only through online discourse the second time around. It was then that I learned about his own inner turmoil, and the weight that he was carrying on his shoulders. A man of his greatness cast a large shadow, and unfortunately sometimes it can be hard to move past said shadow, feeling as though you're trapped in the dark itself. As painful as it is for me to accept the reality of the situation, it's a solace to know that Dane is no longer plagued by his inner burdens. Dane, I hope that in another life you and I can talk videogames as we once did, but until then, may you rest in peace my friend.
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Charisse posted a condolence
Wednesday, December 4, 2024
My deepest sympathy to all of Dane’s family and friends. I had the blessing of knowing him and Madison in their young years in Winnipeg. They were both deeply treasured by Dana and I’m sure he is with her now. Rest in peace dear, sweet boy
Sincerely
Charisse
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Andre and Anne-Marie posted a condolence
Wednesday, December 4, 2024
I didn't know Dane, but I know how much he meant to Dave and Diane. He'll live forever in your hearts. We're here to help you carry pain.
Dane, may you rest in peace.
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The family of Dane Vaclav Dagenais uploaded a photo
Wednesday, December 4, 2024
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